


I've Got Heartaches By The Number

by thesameoldfearsx



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Nora isn't coping, supportive friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:41:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesameoldfearsx/pseuds/thesameoldfearsx
Summary: Nora couldn’t bring herself to destroy it. It had stood for 200 years and it would stand until she got her baby back.In which Shaun’s crib is a constant reminder to Nora.





	I've Got Heartaches By The Number

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a look into Nora's feelings, centring around Shaun.  
> Each new section is a short skip to Nora's interactions with various companions or a different event, not necessarily in any particular order.

Stumbling back down to Sanctuary Hills was disorientating. Nora had barely recovered after seeing the state of Boston from the top of the Vault and seeing Sanctuary Hills was another stab in the gut. The place where she had held so many happy memories, where her friends lived and where she was going to live a long happy life, destroyed. The derelict buildings and silence hurt Nora nearly as much as thinking of her family did.

Making her way past her neighbour’s houses, she could feel her chest tightening with each step closer to her home. She could barely bring herself to look at it, it was so familiar yet so _wrong _.__

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It was the sight of Codsworth that made her finally break and fall to the floor with tears.

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After revealing that the bombs had dropped over 200 years ago, Codsworth left a stunned Nora with her thoughts and a holotape from Nate that she couldn’t bring herself to listen to at the current moment. 200 years. 200 _years _frozen, only to come back on her own with a grieving heart to find the world like this. Death would have been kinder. Her head was hurting trying to grasp everything, thinking about what time Shaun would have been taken, where he was now; it was her only goal, the only thing that had kept her from losing her mind.__

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Knowing everything in her now broken home had been there for 200 years, Nora was surprised by how well some things had withheld. Her TV, while not working was still intact, Nora vividly remembers that day watching the news before running to the shelter. Her and Nate’s room had not lasted as well and Shaun- Shaun’s room…

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His crib was still there, standing.

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Fresh pain rippled against Nora’s heart, her vision becoming blurred as she tentatively walked up to it and placed her shaking hands upon it. His mobile was still there. Nora remembers the joy in his twinkling eyes as he watched it spin, her and Nate watching his little hands reach upwards. Nora couldn’t help the sob that escaped her throat, sliding to the floor next to it and picking up a toy car, holding it close to her chest in a vice grip.

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Her tears carried on as she loaded the holotape into her Pip-Boy.

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_“Hi, Honey!” ___

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Nora was alone. And for as long as Shaun was still out there, his room would remain exactly the same.

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Over the next few days, Nora had begun to accept the situation she was now forced into. Codsworth helped her scavenge the houses and as much as it felt like stealing from her Neighbours, Nora knew it was silly to think like that. She learnt how to cook simple meals with what she could find, learning to ignore the sting that followed through with each meal, accepting that radiation was as normal as oxygen now. She also began practicing shooting targets she set up with pieces of scrap metal, it was a welcome distraction as well as help. Every toy she found, Nora placed them in Shaun’s room, arranging them in his crib and on the windowsills. They were things she knew he would like, and it gave her a renewed hope that she would get him back in her arms, she _had _to now she had found toys for him.__

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Helping Preston Garvey at Concord had given Nora a few things. Friendly faces and a lead on Shaun. Deciding that heading to Diamond City at that current time was not wise, Nora favoured joining the settlers back to Sanctuary; if only to keep an eye on them as they moved into her home. It was a funny feeling to watch as they removed various junk from the houses, moving in sleeping rolls until beds could be made. Nora felt sad, but also glad that new life that she helped could be given to somewhere she has fond memories about.

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She helped over the next few days, building temporary defences and learning how to give water to everyone there. It was also a task to keep people out of her house, refusing to have anything moved not even an inch. Not everyone listened to her.

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Nora’s panic at hearing someone in Shaun’s room nearly rivalled that of when she first encountered the deathclaw at Concord. Running into the room she spotted one of the new settlers picking up the small number of toys she had collected, another leaning over Shaun’s crib.

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“Get out.”

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The man didn’t hesitate to drop what he was holding at the sight of Nora, her hand hovering over her pistol.

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The other one spoke this time, eyeing the fire in Nora’s eyes warily. “Hey, Lady we-“

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“Get. Out. And never come back in here.”

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They soon left with promises that they would never again enter, not daring to push the challenge in Nora’s voice. After that, Nora spent the rest of the day shut away in her house, rearranging the toys and making sure everything was as it should be.

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She left for Diamond City with Dogmeat the day after that, with a promise from Preston and Codsworth that no one would go near her home.

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Piper was a welcome companion. At first she wasn’t sure what to think of the headstrong press woman, but she started to fill a dark hole in Nora that she didn’t think could be filled. She didn’t push Nora at all during her interview, and she was funny; she made Nora laugh. Nora didn’t think she would ever laugh the same way again with the darkness that was clamped around her very being, but Piper had begun to chip away at that darkness. For the first time since leaving the vault Nora didn’t feel truly alone.

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They were currently heading into an abandoned house for the nights shelter, knowing it would be better to rest rather than push onto reaching their desired location. After checking it was safe, they started to search through the rooms for anything useful to either of them. Nora hadn’t found much, except for a red bouncy ball and a small rocket that she couldn’t fit into her pack.

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“Hey, Piper. Could you stick these in your coat please?”

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Piper came to Nora’s side and eyed what she was holding sceptically.

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“Erm, Blue? Don’t you think we should save room for something more…practical maybe?”

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“They’re for Shaun.” Nora refused to say no more than that.

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And Piper needed no more explanation.

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From that day on, whenever Piper found something aimed towards young children she presented it to Nora with a smile.

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Nick knew his friend was grieving over finding out her baby wasn’t much a baby anymore, but a ten year old boy. He didn’t know what to say to her to make her smile again, even Piper nor Dogmeat could break her out of her trance she had with a toy pony.

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“I…I kept his room intact…his crib was still standing so I kept it to-to convince myself that he would go back there one day.” 

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“He will, he’s still out there. We will find him,” Nick said.

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“B-but he won’t need his crib…he won’t even know who I am.” Nora’s hands snapped the pony she was holding. “I wanted to die when I came out of the vault, but Shaun n-needed me…now he doesn’t…he doesn’t know me.”

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Piper grasped one of Nora’s hands, forcing her wet eyes to meet her own. “He still needs you, Blue, you’re his Mother, you’ll get through this.”

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Nora didn’t reply for a while, but when she did, if Nick had a working live heart he swore he felt it break.

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“I feel so alone.”

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Nick could do nothing more than put a comforting hand on his friends back. “You’re not alone, you have us.”

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If Hancock was being honest, he thought Nora’s obsession with hoarding children’s toys was bordering on unhealthy. He had no place to say though, his habits were _certainly _unhealthy and Nora had helped him out more than once in the time he had knew her.__

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He was most aware of Nora’s situation, even promising to help wherever he could, but even Valentine had warned him against broaching the subject of Shaun with Nora. If he felt confident he wouldn’t upset her he would warn her against holding onto the past, something she could never get back and focus on the now and staying alive. He would even give her some jet to take away her pain and to get her to feel something else, but he knew she would reject and give him a stern look even for the suggestion. 

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This time she was stuffing a Grognak comic into her pack.

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“Nate loved comics,” She said. Hancock realised this was one of the first times she had spoken of her husband to him.

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“He used to read them to Shaun, of course he didn’t understand but when Nate did the voices, oh boy did he giggle.” A sad smiled crossed her face. “I can give this to him, as a reminder of his Dad.”

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Hancock takes back what he said. If thinking about the past made Nora smile for the first time in weeks, she could hold onto the past for as long as she liked.

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MacCready knew Nora didn’t like people going in her house, or mostly Shaun’s room, but he couldn’t help himself. He knew all too well the pain of losing a loved one, and what the thought of believing you’ve failed your child can do to a person. MacCready knew Nora hadn’t failed Shaun not one bit, looking at the growing pile of trinkets in Shaun’s room showed that she thought of him with every waking moment of her day, and it was enough.

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MacCready was ready to face the lecture of a lifetime as Nora walked in, but she did little more than glance at him and sit on the chair she had placed next to Shaun’s crib. He knew it was time for him to leave when he heard sounds of a baby gurgling and a man’s voice coming from her Pip-Boy.

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Everyone was anxious as they waited for Nora’s return, hoping that she would come back from the Institute with answers despite knowing the chances of her returning were slim at all.

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No one said a word as Nora returned, going straight to Shaun’s room and ripping apart the crib with her bare hands.

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End file.
